To my once upon a friend,

 

I am sorry.

I am unsure whether these three words will be enough to make up for everything and anything I did,

but please,

don’t stop reading,

because I am sorry.

 

Regrets shower my mind each time I think about you.

I think of all that could have been,

instead of what it is now.

Of all the maybes,

to all the what ifs,

a dimension I cross each time in hopes that I’d be able to find the words that could describe how life is without you,

without you my dear friend.

 

An anger filled text was all that was needed to start a fire,

that still burns to this day.

A war that I sparked.

How do I tell you that it was only so angry because I craved your attention,

your time and care.

I wanted to talk to you,

to be close to you,

but each day I felt like you were pushing me further away.

I am sorry for being so selfish.

 

I am sorry.

three small words.

But here,

I will say it.

I am sorry,

for everything and anything,

 

There is an empty canvas in my room.

sitting there for a long time,

waiting for me to paint,

but each time I look at it,

I don’t know what colors to paint it,

because each color looks dull,

each stroke is forced,

just like the smile I put on each time you walk by,

so you think I’m okay and happy without you,

but you don’t know about how badly my heart aches to want you back in my life.

 

Red was the color of happiness that I felt when you were beside me.

Orange was the color of acceptance you gave me.

I never felt the need to put on a mask

when I was with you.

Yellow was the color of good times and memories that we used to reminisce together.

Green was the color of trust that flourished and grew stronger day by day.

Blue was the color of those nights we talked non-stop,

not even realizing it was past our bedtime,

yet we’d continue talking

because sleep was overrated.

It was the color of those nights,

when I shared everything on my mind,

only with you.

Purple was the color of the giraffes we talked about;

an inside joke that no one but you and I will understand.

 

How can I paint my canvas with colors that I no longer posses.

These colors no longer bleed the same stories as they used to.

You used each color to paint a part of my life.

Each stroke you painted was delicately placed on my own empty canvas.

You created my portrait,

and I continued to live in it until you took it away with you when you left.

You stole the me out of me.

 

Red could not be felt again.

Orange will not be accepted anymore.

Yellow will not hold the same meaning.

Green is the trust now broken.

Blue could not be lived again.

and purple,

well,

if there’s no us,

our moments don’t exist anymore because,

three words can not bring back what we once had.

 

I raged and cried,

when life took on the gray scale.

Each piece of me slowly disappeared

as I realized

that it was my fault.

 

I am sorry.

Three small words,

that will probably never fix anything that was between us.

But please tell me that two words will be enough to bring back the friendship,

to bring back those days that you so easily said goodbye to.

How were you able to decide that I did not need you anymore,

when each day I yearn for your company.

Do you know how much I still have to tell you?

Please tell me it can be like the old days again.

Please tell me that you can see the regret in my eyes each time we cross paths,

because I know you can read my eyes.

You were always best at it.

 

So hey,

if you’re reading this,

I miss you.

I don’t know if three words will be enough to paint my canvas,

but here,

I will say,

I am sorry.

For everything and anything.